Over the last few days, I have been thinking more and more about apple pie. Mainly, how this can be such a subtle symbol of my grandad’s love of it, but at the same time, a symbol of my grandad’s deterioration.
To me, I look at an apple pie and I’m transported back to my childhood, when I would be sitting in a restaurant with my grandparents and a waiter would ask “would you like dessert?” I would smile, look at grandad, and we’d both say “apple pie and custard please!” Then I remember what his refusal to alter his diet has done to his health. He now has a complication of type two diabetes where he has developed gangrene, and is slowly dying. There is no expected timescales, but he is physically and mentally deteriorating, but still living this half-life, where he exists, but there is little quality to it. It feels like a setting sun that never sets. He just goes on and on, with little joy in his life- he hasn’t even got an appetite for apple pie. I now think back to those fond memories from my childhood, and I would swap those memories (despite cherishing them) for a grandad who doesn’t have to suffer in this way. This is why I now want to make work about apple pie.
I am interested in the juxtaposition of one object that stands for such an oxymoron: it stands for someones love, but also for someone’s death. This can also be related to universally, especially when it comes to addictions such as alcohol and drugs. There is a love and need, but there is also a hate and deterioration, that may become an eventual downfall.
I have then been thinking about how I could use the apple pie in my work and how I could explore themes of deterioration by using apple pie as a material. Along with planning performance pieces in order to experiment with it, I have also been thinking about other ways to get my message across. I then thought about deconstructing it. Not physically, but separating it out into the core ingredients of the apple pie, and making sculptural work out of it. My other area of interest is to make an apple pie, but then have to take parts away as I’m making it, so the proportions would be wrong, and I would then end up with a deformed, almost unrecognisable apple pie.